An Open Letter to Todd Bertuzzi

Dear Todd (Jerk),

I don't want this letter to break down into a bunch of name-calling (knucklehead, goon, oaf). That's too easy. I want to rise above the name calling (thug, bruiser) and talk about the situation in an intelligent and respectful manner (you know...the way you treated Steve Moore).

So I understand you've been reinstated by Mr. Bettman after serving a long suspension (roughly 18 games) for the little incident on the ice (near-murder). Granted, there wasn't any hockey last year (probably your fault) and your suspension started the previous year right before the playoffs....so you haven't really missed that many games. I hear that they took into consideration the fact that you were denied the chance to play overseas and for Team Canada in the Worlds (neither of which are the NHL...the league from which you were suspended). I think that's pretty silly, but what do I know (a lot more than you)?

I heard your agent and your coach (apologists) interviewed on ESPN radio over the last two nights, talking about how hard it was for you to not be able to play during the lockout. I wonder...how much harder, then, do you think it is for Steve Moore...who still can't play at all? Well, you probably don't care about that much, do you? Because your agent and your coach (Thug Lovers) kept reiterating how tough the last 17 months have been for you (like I care). Apparently you've been heckled (shock!) and booed (horror!) and have had some not-nice things written about you in magazines and newspapers (Oh the humanity!).

Your agent said...and I quote..."I don't want to say Steve Moore wasn't the victim in this thing, because he was....but no one knows what Todd Bertuzzi has had to endure over the last months...and I do...and it wasn't easy." He goes on to say "And the challenges will continue, as there will be many cities and arenas where Todd will not be welcomed warmly...and it's going to be very hard on him and his family.

Allow me to introduce you to a concept I like to call....consequences. These are the events and outcomes in your life that come as a direct result of your actions (beatings) in life and on the ice. For instance....if you kill a man (which you still have time left for in your career...keep trying!) then you will likely go to jail or be executed. And here's the tricky part for you to grasp...consequences are not directly tied to your sorry-ness (and you are sorry!). I don't care how remourseful you are, buddy (enemy), that doesn't mean you should get out of the consequences.

For instance, when I get pulled over for speeding (never happened...I swear) I am sorry about my behavior before the officer (quota filler) even reaches my window. But does that mean I get out of my ticket? No. And a guy who commits a crime of passion, killing his wife after discovering an affair...does he get out of his prison sentence just because he's sorry? No. How about the 18-year-old who has sex with a 15-year-old that he believes is older than that? Does he get out of his statutory rape charges because he's sorry? No. Not only that...but also then everywhere that kid moves for the rest of his life he'll have to register as a sex-offender and all his neighbors will think he's a pedophile.

Consequences are supposed to last past the point of remourse and contrition...becuase that's how we learn not to do stupid things again.

I'm sure there are many people in prisons and on death rows who are very remourseful. Maybe you and Mr. Bettman can get together and see if you can spring those guys too!

I know you're worried about being booed in arenas across North America....and it's affecting your family too. And to that I can only say I feel your pain (get over it you freaking baby). But perhaps you should have thought about all that before you nearly killed Steve Moore (good kid, young player with potential). Maybe. Just a suggestion.

But don't you think there's a problem when 'jumping on a guy and riding him to the ice where you plant his face into the ground, breaking his bones and giving him a concussion'....when that's your impulse?!?! I mean, that's what you do without thinking about a situation! Yeah...you're a great guy (moron) and you deserve to be reinstated after only missing 20 games or so (I got longer punishments for throwing spitwads in fourth grade!). Drew Rosenhaus is pretty much despised and considered a shark, right (and he is)? But even Drew's impulse is good....when he was near a pool and a little boy was drowning...Drew's impulse told him to jump in and grab him and perform CPR that the paramedics said saved the kid's life. I can only assume you would have taken the kid's drowning as a personal attack on you and done something impulsive and reactionary, like hold the kid's head under water a little before sucker-punching him (a little strong in my inference there, but hey...you're a tough guy...you can handle it).

What would have happened if Mr. Moore had died (almost happened)? Would you still deserve reinstatement after only missing a handful of games (you'll never deserve it)? I doubt it.
Here's something to chew on: you will be booed and harassed and hassled by hockey fans all over the world for a very long time (hopefully years and years)...and....get this....you deserve it! I mean, it's not like this was the first-ever act of thuggery for you (you've been suspended before, Hulk). You have a (well-deserved) reputation of being a thug....throughout the league.
I remember a game here in Nashville, against the Preds. Karlis Skrastins (clean player who never even fights) was still on our team. You got so upset with him for blocking your shots that you shoved him in the corner and started upper-cutting his face. You got some serious penalty minutes for that one (not enough) but they did little to change your behavior patterns (thug-impulses). You're known as a thug (loser) because you are a thug (loser). You have a hot temper and you've played this way for years. Steve Moore was just the first of your victims that nearly died. And now I'm supposed to believe that you are....sniff, sniff....sorry (not on your life, buddy).

I think you're sorry that Mr. Moore (man of better character than you) almost died. I believe that (barely). But sorry enough to change? Nope. You are an animal. You won't change. And you haven't served your time. The European Leagues and the World Championships are not the NHL. You're basically saying, "Since I couldn't play in non-NHL leagues...my NHL suspension should be lifted." That's like saying, "Your Honor, I know I assaulted that guy, but since then I've had some financial hardships and family troubles so we should just drop these charges and call it all even. After all...I'm sorry."

I can't believe you talked Bettman into letting you back in (yes I can...he's an idiot). This is bad PR for the league. I don't believe you've learned your lesson. I don't believe opponents are safe on the ice with you. I don't care if you're booed by opposing fans (I'll be booing too) because those are the consequences you pay when you're a star athlete who nearly killed a guy in a fit of rage. Kids look up to you dude (selfish punk) and surely there's coming some horrifying youth hockey incident where some bruiser decides to jump on another kid and ride his face into the ground. I hope you can live with that (no I don't...I hope it tortures you).

I'm not saying you can't be forgiven. Forgiveness is not being withheld (at least by me). But your agent and coach make it sound like you're the victim in all this. That fans shouldn't boo you. That journalists shouldn't write articles about you. That you've paid your price and we should let you back in, even though you only missed a handful of games. And that's ridiculous. You haven't served one-tenth of the suspension you deserve (you should have been Pete-Rosed out of the game for life if you ask me).

Here's my idea: according to your plea bargain, you can never play a hockey game in which Steve Moore is playing. I got to thinking about this, and I think the Preds should pick up Steve Moore (currently not under contract anywhere, and actually still dealing with concussion symptoms and not cleared to play). Then, whenever we play you Canucks...we put in Steve Moore (even if he's no good) just to keep you off the ice. Then...we could trade Steve Moore to your team's next opponent and they could do the same. And on and on. That way, you'd be technically cleared to play by the NHL, but effectively still suspended, having to sit out every game due to Mr. Moore's presence. I like it (writing now to the Preds to suggest it). Bettman and the league may not have any concept of consequences (or anything else for that matter), but the team owners could get together and fix this pronto.

So there's my two cents (more like a hundred cents). I think you're a thug (thuggy thug). I don't think your suspension was long enough (nearly). I don't believe you've learned any lessons (except the lesson of how to get out of consequences by crying a lot in press conferences) and I do believe you'll do something like this again (several times). I can forgive your actions without removing your consequences....the two are not linked.

Here's hoping your next "victim" is actually bigger and stronger than you and has a chance to fight back before you leave them bloody and concussed, lying on the ice with a broken neck.

Sincerely (not remotely sincerely)
Kennelworthy (not my real name)

ps- If you're able, could you please forward this letter on to Rafael (Roid-Man) Palmero, Jamal (recently released criminal) Lewis, Terrell (only man in the universe) Owens, and Kenny ("That camera stole my soul") Rogers. It's the least you could do. Some of the specifics of the letter won't pertain directly to those guys...but the gist of it will. Thanks!