Monday, October 02, 2006

Sound Observations

So the NFL season is approximately one quarter of the way through. I find it interesting how people's lives have changed in the last four weeks:

1.) Fantasy owners across the world are as emotionally attached to their players now as mothers are to newborn babies. Every time a tight end gets 11 yards, the owner internalizes the feat as being akin to the kid's first steps. "Oh look! Calvin Cooley got a first down! That's my little boy!!"

2.) The Raider Nation is simply despondent. There is no way out. No glimmer of hope. No "But at least we've got _____." Even Randy Moss still had the "Oh shit" look on his face after scoring his first touchdown yesterday.

3.) The Bengals are getting really used to being in trouble with the law. It's beginning to look like a high school gang where you have to get "beaten in," or at least throw a Maltov cocktail through the principal's window. It looks like they're actually trying to top each other. Although, what else is there to do in Cincinatti? I think Ohio has had the most professional athletes arrested in the last six months than any state in the history of the United States. That's even taking into account the 1963 Baltimore Colts infamous shoplifting/purse-snatching spree.

4.) At least the Bengals aren't going to trade for Albert Haynesworth anytime soon. To his credit, Dick Stockton remained fairly calm in the booth during the face-stomping incident. He could have pulled a Joe Buck and decried the man's entire moral composition. "I can't believe this Haynesworth character! He should be dragged down 2nd avenue in downtown Nashville and castrated in public for everyone to see!! How can we live in a world like this?!!! AAAAAAAUUUUUGHH!!!"

As violent incidences go, however, this is one of the most interesting. It appeared as though Big Gay Al actually pulled off the dude's helmet and spiked him in the face---TWICE. It would have been a good Pay-Per-View event, but in football the pussy referees call it "unsportsmanlike conduct." Come on, it's never happened before. How do you know it really fits in to the definition of unsportsmanlike conduct? Maybe they'll review it in the offseason like the "tuck rule," and end up apologizing to Haynesworth: "We didn't know how to react, so we threw a bullshit flag. You had every reason to be upset. Now just make sure you don't horse-collar anyone."

5.) Yes, I had the Patriots winning yesterday. It happens. They always seem to right the ship before it spins out of control. They don't have debilitating injuries, their core group is still mostly intact, and they have capable receivers and tight ends to catch Brady's passes. Not to mention the steal of the draft so far in Maroney. I'm not a Pats fan, but I wouldn't bet against them this year.

6.) It looks like Sunday nights are truly for football these days. I used to be a Desperate Housewives fan, but now it's gotten too convoluted to keep up. And whoever said that Felicity Huffman was hot in the first place? Even compared to the aging Terri Hatcher, who looks like she gets into a knife fight every morning, Huffman still looks like a grown up version of Paul from the Wonder Years. And Nicolette Sheridan? She's like an inflatable sex doll for guys with a "mature ladies" fetish that got damaged in the mail.

Regardless, I'm sure NBC is enjoying higher-than-normal ratings due to the crappiness of the competition. Good for them. Hopefully they keep John Madden's liver on ice until game time.



At 10/02/2006 04:32:00 PM, Blogger Jonathan said...

I got a thing for Marcia Cross though; maybe it's just the red hair or her OCD. And how can you not like a show where Kyle McLachlan gets to play a creepy ass wife killer? Come on.

However, I do watch the football and Tivo the DH, or DVR it, or whatever we're calling it these days. And as far as Fat Albert goes, maybe the guy called out his mother or something; that would deserve a spike to the face.

As far as the Raider Nation goes, we're hoping to be the first team to go 0-16; at least we would have set some kind of record this season. Then up until the next draft it will be all the talk of will they take Troy Smith or Brady Quinn with their first pick. And then we will suprise everybody and take a Kicker. Can't wait. Great post.

At 10/03/2006 08:47:00 PM, Blogger Mike said...

I really wish the Titans were playing the Raiders this year. That would be epic.


Post a Comment

<< Home