Spider-Man 3 Premiere in Queens

Premieres are fun for the all-day campers looking for celebrities, and probably for people involved with the film, as well as all the people who will be lucky enough to see it, but for me, the Spider-Man 3 premiere was mostly a miserable time, and I saw a lot of hot ladies by the time Monday evening was over.

Because what you won't find on Entertainment Tonight and any entertainment-related medium is all the work people do just to make things look like a million bucks, for one night, and will hardly be noticed by anyone. That's the ultimate goal: not to have anything that can be noticed and give your company a bad name. I certainly didn't do the bulk of the work at this premiere. I basically weaseled my way into it and helped where I could. There's work that was done that not even I appreciate fully.

Regal's Kaufman Astoria is a 14 screen theatre, and about an hour after the scheduled time, every auditorium would play Spider-Man 3 to an accumulated 3500 people. It is the most prints of any one movie I have ever seen. But they also had two digital projectors set up specifically for this show, moving the 35MM projectors out of the way for one night to foreshadow the future of the movie theatre experience. The auditorium with all the stars got the brand new Sony 4K projector. This thing is amazing. I remember that "Simpsons" episode where two DJ's were having their jobs threatened by a "DJ3000" machine that would randomly spurt out inane chatter like: "Well, those clowns in Congress are at it again. What a bunch of clowns." Then one of the DJ's remarks, "Huh, how does it keep up with the news like that?" The other DJ whispers, "Don't praise the machine." But the digital presentation was remarkable with its clarity, and it's the future.

My various placements prevented me from seeing many stars. In the early going, I saw Chi McBride. And I swear I saw Joel Coen, but I can't entirely confirm this yet (it had to be him, though). I saw young character actor Chris Marquette. There seemed to be plenty of other vaguely recognizable people, and then I saw Bryce Dallas Howard. I later saw Topher Grace, Thomas Haden Church, Elizabeth Banks, Dylan Baker, and James Cromwell. Not appearing in the film: I saw Hilary Swank, Amber Valetta, and Bill Paxton. Then I saw director Sam Raimi. Many were gracious, especially Raimi and Grace. I never once saw Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, or James Franco. They either were hidden by crowds or ducked out before I got the chance.

And do I even have to explain how hot the ladies were? Wearing impossible dresses. Just impossible. Custom made to fit their body, and only their body, and you wonder (sometimes out loud) how in the world it stays on. After spending 15 hours at the theatre standing around, cleaning small spots on the floor, arranging things, checking things, and any other menial task you can name, I got to see Spider-Man 3 in its digital glory once everything had died down. My review is here. I will be seeing it at least one more time before the opening this weekend, so we'll see if my thoughts change on the matter.

So, premieres...not glamorous for the behind-the-scenes guys. Just know there were hundreds of employees, managers, technicians, and corporate guys who pulled this thing off so that the night would be memorable for those who worked so hard to walk the red carpet. I'm not sure I'll be so hasty to attend another one should it happen soon, but it was an experience. I'm officially very tired.