Monday, May 30, 2005

Star Wars Fanatics

I consider myself a fairly big "Star Wars" fan, in the sense that I've enjoyed a couple of the films quite a bit over the years (those obviously being "A New Hope" and "Empire Strikes Back"). And I'm sure I'm going to get shit on royally for writing this, but I have to say one thing: STAR WARS FANATICS ARE INSANE!!!

I don't know exactly when I came to this conclusion. The thoughts started circling in my head in 1999 when people started waiting in line for "Phantom Menace" up to a week in advance in some places. It's a movie, people. It's not a freaking one night concert. There are many showings of movies; especially "Star Wars" where the new one can be seen on ten screens at some theaters. Then more recently, after watching "Revenge of the Sith," I was verbally accosted by a guy dressed up as Darth Vader telling me I wasn't a true "Star Wars" fan because I didn't respect "Revenge of the Sith" enough. I wanted to just say, "Dude, you're dressed up as Darth Vader." That's like someone with a mullet insulting your hair style. I was the better man and walked away, but Jesus Christ, people! Then KW's review gets like 35 responses, mostly praising him, but it amazed me how much heat this thing stirred up. Granted, I'm not bitching about our web traffic; I think we have a pretty cool blog site going on here, so please, keep coming; tell me off all you want; I'm just expressing an opinion. What really got me going was reading a response on Chris's review of "Revenge of the Sith" where the guy made fun of him because he said Yoda went to Endor. I don't even know why that's an insult to Chris, but people bitching about semantics is truly a pet peeve of mine.

There are so many levels to the stupidity I believe these crazy bastards possess. My favorite is all of the nitpicky bullshit these people bring up. And I'm not talking about the bad writing or ridiculous story set-ups (aka Padme naming Luke and Leia in two seconds so we could get her death over with; speaking of which, with all of these weird names out there, where did Padme pull out Luke from). I mean the shit like the continuity collapses, the recasting of characters that are much too young or old, Lucas deciding to make different versions of 4-6. If you don't like the special editions fine, but who the hell cares if Lucas wanted to make them? For that matter, why do you think he gives two shits about your opinion? Just because you made one hell of a Chewbacca outfit does not mean Lucas should do what you tell him to do. And while, KW, some of this might sound like I'm degrading your piece; I'm not. You wrote a very insightful essay about why you hated the movie; you did not fall to the level of some of these buffoons out there who don't realize that the damn thing is just a fucking movie.

And you guys make going to see this damn movie a pain in the ass. When there's a sign at the theater door that has to ask you to turn off your light sabers, something is seriously wrong with the world. When you can't see the film because the jack ass in front of you won't take off his Darth Vader helmet, then what are you supposed to do? Talking to someone dressed up like Darth Vader is never a reasonable action; trust me on this one. How the hell do you see the movie wearing that thing anyways? Someone please explain that to me.

I'm all about freedom of speech and expression; which is exactly why I'm writing this piece trashing the Star Wars diehards out there; I would call them retarted, but I think the PC thing to say would be "Socially Challenged." Hit me with whatever you want. I know, I know. If I have such a problem with this, why would I even go see the movie on opening weekend? Well, my question is, why should I not be able to go see the movie opening weekend with out all of this added bullshit? I have been to many a tailgate party for the Titans, and I have to say football fans have nothing on you freaks. I'm an Oakland Raiders fan for Christ sakes, and I still look down on you. So, give me some credit, I've been around my fair share of freaks of nature.

So, go on citing your crazy ass semantics. Speaking of which, if you seriously want to go into semantics, then go all the way; like the fact that there would be no fire in space. We let that go in all Science Fiction films, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit back and watch them let Jabba the Hut be placed in Episode 4. Give me a fucking break! I remember seeing the Special Edition of "Episode 4," and when Jabba the Hut popped up on screen, some dude behind me actually said "Fake." Well, no fucking shit; it's called a special effect. Bobcat Goldthwait said it best: "Like the movie's going to turn around, and say, You caught us."

Bitch at me all you want. Bring it on, nerds. As a fellow nerd, I can tell you that I am very comfortable with my position. I am very comfortable with the fact that I don't have to dress up like a Storm Trooper to bitch about a movie, or become the world's smartest "Star Wars" trivia expert. Good for you. At least after the movie, I get to go home and have sex; with a real woman, I might add.

In the long run, it's just a god damn movie. I am so glad this movie wasn't all that good, because I would hate to actually be on the same level with the freaks (and Chris, I know you liked the movie, but you do not fall on this level; you are one of the normal ones). I'm extremely happy about the fact that this fucking series of films is finally over. Some of us movie lovers actually do like the films that don't have "Star Wars" in the title. I know, it's crazy.


At 5/31/2005 09:26:00 AM, Blogger Kennelworthy said...

Well I enjoyed the rant. Maybe I enjoyed it because I am a Star Wars fan, without being a Star Wars maniac.

And I didn't get a hint at all that you were picking on me or my post. I think most of my problems are with the movie making sense. Star Wars maniacs go to much greater lenghts.

For instance, I was I found a site claiming to list all the continuity and logic gaffes in the movie, expecting to see a lot of the things I'd listed. Nooooo. This site is the nit-pickingest list I've ever seen. They were picking on extremely tiny things. One was about the scene where Anakin tells Mace about Palpatine being Sidious...and they bitch about how there's a huge shadow behind Anakin but the only light source in the scene wouldn't cause that shadow.

In another gripe, they complained about reflections in a glass window being reversed.

Another gripes about someone's lightsaber handle mysteriously turning in a character's hand.

These are nitpickers, folks.

Me wanting better lightsaber duels...not nitpicking.

Mocking Chris for saying the wrong planet name? Mother fricking nitpicking.

Me wanting a better story, better dialogue, and better acting? Not.

Are you sensing a pattern?

I critique the film. Star Wars maniacs critique the universe.

At 5/31/2005 11:18:00 AM, Blogger Kennelworthy said...

Man, I am fully expecting you to get hammered on this one--not that I disagree with you. It's just that the group you're speaking about is the kind that tends to really react to criticism.

I'm frankly surprised it hasn't started yet.

At 6/01/2005 10:13:00 AM, Blogger Jonathan said...

I wasn't really expecting to get that hammered. Hell, if anything, they'll realize I'm right and have a moment of silence for their wasted lives.

At 6/01/2005 11:42:00 AM, Blogger MaraJade said...

"I am very comfortable with the fact that I don't have to dress up like a Storm Trooper to bitch about a movie, or become the world's smartest "Star Wars" trivia expert. Good for you. At least after the movie, I get to go home and have sex; with a real woman, I might add."


Am I allowed to comment if I'm a GIRL who dresses up in TK armor? :)

I'm glad it's finally over too. I love Star Wars, but there needs to be room for something else in the sci-fi world now. Lucas could have at least ended it better for us, but as he's said a million times, he "didn't make these movie for the fans". um. . .okay. . .

We all need to rant every once in a while.

At 6/01/2005 12:21:00 PM, Blogger Jonathan said...

Lovely women with a great sense of humor are always welcome to comment on this site. It's our bread and butter really. I'm glad you enjoyed the rant.

At 6/01/2005 01:29:00 PM, Blogger MaraJade said...

Wow, I might actually read this site regularly now (just kidding. I already do.)
By the way, you two have probably the best profile descriptions I've seen on here. Finally something besides (and mine falls into this category) I'm [insert age here], I live [insert boring town here], and I like [insert odd assortment of things here].
Anyway, off to read whoever reviewed the traveling pants movie. Can't decide if that's worth braving all the pre-teens for yet.


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