Friday, May 14, 2004

Summer Movie Season Week 2: The 200 Million Dollar (fill in the blank)

TROY: I'm probably going to be in the minority here. From everything
I've heard going into this, the movie is either middle of the road
boredom (sans Roger Ebert) or there is quite a bit of fun to be had
among the silliness (sans Chris Atkinson). Me, I thought this was a
200 million dollar pile of dung. The fact that we could actually take
a step backwards from "Van Helsing" is amazing to me, but "Troy"
accomplishes that feat.
To note on a couple of things Chris pointed out as being good things
in the film. Yes, Eric Bana gives a good performance, and Brian Cox
and Peter O'Toole are very solid, but all three of these people belong
in a much better film. A lot of people are noting the action sequences
as being well paced, but I found them to be rather tedious and
confusing, and there is nothing here I haven't seen done better in even
fairly mediocre action period pieces. And while the one-on-one battles
are more interesting; I've always found this a ridiculous concept in
war movies; how many one-on-one fights really take place in this
manner. And the cliches don't stop there; of course we have Peter O'Toole
and Helen with a balcony seat taking in all the mayhem with plenty
of close-up looks of shock to go along with the action.
As for Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom. Last week, I noted how Richard
Roxburgh's portrayal of Dracula is one of the worst acting jobs I
have ever seen; well, Pitt comes close to topping this. He is so
bad in this movie; he obviously put a lot of effort into this role,
and maybe he took it a little too far. Granted, he is not helped out very
well with all of the terrible dialouge and the close-ups of his
far away glances; his looks of seriousness if you will. Orlando
Bloom is someone I have yet to like in a film. As good as "Pirates of
the Carribean" is, Orlando Bloom is definately an eyesore in the
picture, and in a really bad film, he only comes off worse, and you
can see the terrible actor that he truly is. But this movie will
make some money, and he will be looked at as a bankable star. Even
though its his surroundings and not him that is putting people in
the seats.
I think my biggest gripe with this film is its concept and approach.
Wolfgang Petersen's goal here is to place the characters of Greek
Mythology into a more realistic, humanized setting. They are mere
mortals in the hands of this filmmaker, but the problem is that the
reason the characters of Greek Mythology are so interesting is that
they are larger than life. Hell, half of our favorite action characters
such as John Rambo, John McClaine, the Terminator, Martin Riggs have
a lot of these same mythological attributes. When you take that away
from them, they become ordinary side-kicks, and in an action film I want
to see some imagination, some larger than life creations; not these
boring ass characters I could give two shits about that I saw in "Troy."
If I were to make a list of my least favorite films of all time they
would include films such as: "Showgirls," "Legend," "Dirty Dancing,"
"Batman and Robin," "Indecent Proposal," etc. "Troy" falls somewhere
here among these montrosities. I really thought it was that bad.

"Is there no one else?"


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