Five Things To Shut Up About

This post could become regular, as there are regularly things I'd like the world to shut up about, but we'll have to see. For now it can be considered a pilot episode. Here are five things related to the world of sports that I am tired of hearing or hearing about (in no specific order):

1. People (and by people I mean national sportswriters and radio hosts) declaring Pat Tillman the bravest, noblest man who ever lived. Now, I understand that Tillman was a professional athlete, and I understand he left all that behind to go serve his country, and it eventually cost him his life. Is Tillman a hero? Abso-freaking-lutely. But I heard or read no less than five commentaries in the last week or so, as sports journalists compiled their lists of the year's top moments or stories in sports, who stated quite clearly that Tillman was more of a hero than an average soldier (Jim Rome is the first that comes to mind who said this, though there were a few others). Their reasoning for why he's more of a hero? Because he left behind the fame and fortune of the NFL in order to go fight like a common soldier.

This is insulting, mostly to the average soldiers like my roommate or my cousin, the latter of which spent a year in the same Iraq that claimed Tillman's life. Now, I could tell you that Tillman didn't really leave fame and fortune. He was completely unknown to me and 90% of the rest of the sports fan world (if they're honest with themselves) until he died. There wasn't anything he'd done in sports as a collegiate athelete or as a professional one to make him a household name. He played a couple seasons for the Cardinals, after being selected with the 226th pick in the draft of 1998. All the papers talk about he turned down a $3.6 Million Dollar offer from the Cardnials in order to join the Army. But I can't find anywhere the number of years in that contract. It was probably at least two or three, making him a million-dollar-a-year player. Even if the $3.6 was for one year, by today's standards that's neither a large contract nor a fortune. It is, in fact, in the lower tier of NFL players. So, the case could be made that all these praise-throwing journalists are embellishing a bit on the facts when they talk about Tillman leaving fame and fortune. But I won't even make that case.

I will instead simply accept that he left fame and fortune, for the sake of making my point. Why does that make him a more noble soldier than my cousin? Why does that make him a bigger hero than your neighbor/brother/friend? In fact, take a guy like my cousin, who has no fame, no fortune, nothing but a low-paying job. Put yourself in his shoes. Man, I almost respect his sacrifice more simply because he already had nothing. He didn't even have something good to give up, and yet he gave up that chance at a good life to serve his country. Tillman had already made it, and as a result of his money and status, likely felt a little emptier without a higher cause to serve.

I keep thinking of that story in the Bible where the woman pours out the oil on Jesus feet and he talks later about giving generously out of what you have. Ultimately my point is this: because Pat Tillman was in sports, and because sports journalists tend to overstate an athelete's accomplishments after he/she is dead (see Reggie White), and because they feel a consistent need to wax poetic and be clever.....Pat Tillman, while a hero and a brave man, is being touted as more than he was. I haven't heard any mentions about Tillman's brother, who played minor league baseball and gave that up at the same time to follow Pat into the Ranger program. Why isn't the other Tillman being called Superman?

The thing that irks me is that the media uses Tillman's marginal NFL fame as an excuse to lift him higher than any other soldier. Fact is, in just the time it takes to listen to Jim Rome go off about Tillman's sacrifice....there has probably been another "unknown" soldier fall in battle.
Now don't get me wrong, because I think the end result is good. Tillman's story speaks very well of America and her values. He's a great role model, and a beacon of unselfishness during the most selfish times the world has ever known. I just can't help but cringe every time another sports media type talks about Tillman's sacrifice without giving equal airtime to the similar sacrifice made by thousands of everyday Regular Joes. Bottom line: Tillman is no more or less a hero than his brother, no more or less a hero than my cousin, no more or less a hero than every single soldier serving in our armed forces. The fact that he played in the NFL is being used to make him elevated above other soldiers, and that's where my beef is. So I don't want to hear it. He's a mega-hero, far braver than I....and so is every soldier in our Armed Forces. Enough already.

2. Sports Journalists and Radio Hosts making Ricky Williams/marijuana jokes. I won't defend Ricky's use of the drug. He did it, and from all accounts...continues to do it. Fine. But at this point, any writer or radio host making a joke related to Ricky's drug use is offensive purely on the principle of comedic originality. Fact is, the Ricky Williams/pot jokes are the easiest joke in the world to make. That makes, in my mind, the people that use that joke the lowest form of clever there is....down there with people in movies accidently drinking pee because they think it's apple juice (ditto on the slipped-a-laxitive-and-poops-loudly joke in films). It's just not funny. It's not original, crisp, or even worth saying. So you're wasting column space or airtime to vomit up some overused line instead of giving me sports news. Stop it. Anyone, including a 12-year-old boy, could make that joke. Rise above it and for once in your life...be creative.

3. Those stupid-as-heck Coors beer commercials where they say incessantly: "Coors, the coldest tasting beer on the planet." I have two beefs. First off, and the largest of my beefs, is that beer can't taste cold. In fact, nothing can taste cold. Cold is a sensation, thereby it is a feeling, not a taste. They should say it's "the coldest beer on the planet" and be done with it. A human being cannot taste a temperatue....they can only feel it....with nerve endings instead of tastebuds. This slogan is like saying "Three Muskateers, the brownest tasting candy bar on the planet" or "Coca-Cola, the fizziest tasting cola on the planet." It's just silly...and it is a poor grasp on the English language.

The second beef is that inclusion of "on the planet" in the slogan. Thanks Coors, because right up until then I thought you meant your beer was the coldest in the universe....and we all know how huge the universe is. Could be some beer bottler on Pluto putting out a colder product than you, and you don't want them suing you for false advertising do you? Good thing you clarified that. I think the whole slogan/campaign is just bad marketing. Just shorten it and make your claim stand out more: "Coors, simply the coldest beer around." Is the message really clearer your way?

4. NHL players and owners saying some menacing prediction about the dire future of the league. First, I'm tired of hearing it. I know the league might die and I might lose my team, and having you tell me every week doesn't make me any more optimistic. (The latest is Gretzky, by the way, talking about a two or three year lockout possibility). Second, both you two sides here are the ones responsible. So you stop your negotiations or offer-making to give a quote about how it might not ever end?! Come on! The only people who should be allowed to give quotes about how scary the NHL's future is are the fans. Everyone else is just wasting precious deal-making time. I've had enough.

5. Ben Rothlisberger (or however you spell that long last name) being amazing. Is he good? Sure. Does he have remarkable poise for a rookie? No doubt. Is he unbeaten as a QB? Yes, yes he is. Does any of those things make him awesome? No. He's done a heck of a job, for sure, in leading that team. But that team is about defense and running. He's rarely called upon to throw, and almost never to do so to save a game. Peyton Manning? Culpepper? McNabb? Brees? Those guys have awesome passing numbers this year....in multiple stats. The only one of Ben's stats that is awesome is the wins column, and that's shared by the whole team.

His stat line, from Yahoo: 14games played, 98.1passer rating, 196completions, 295passing attempts, 66.4completion percentage, 2621yards, 17 TDs, 11interceptions....he's been sacked 30 times. For a little perspective: For the season, he is 5th in passer rating (quite good), 22nd in total yards, 26th in gards per game, and 20th in TDs. Billy Volek started 8 games to Ben's 14 starts, and Volek had more touchdowns.

Ben is "awesome for a rookie" and "good enough to lead the Steelers" and "smart, poised, calm...." He is all those things. But versus the rest of the league, most of his numbers fall far short of awesome, landing closer to the territory of "good" or "decent." Man, stop declaring him a virtuoso, will you media types? At least during the year Manning's having. How can the same adjectives describe both players' performance this year?

And that concludes my list. Sure, there are many more things I'd like to stop hearing, but these were the cream of the crop. I would have included all the raves for Buffalo and Carolina as "the hottest teams no one wants to face in the playoffs" but that's now a moot point (but if journalists could will a team into the playoffs, this would have been the year they did it by incessantly touting the streaks of these two teams). Maybe more later....maybe not. Maybe my next list will be things I'd like to hear more of.

PS-Like the Blog-cams, Mike. Also like the links you've been posting recently. Ditto on the movie review drag-down menu--makes me wish I posted something often enough to deserve a drop-down menu, but Chris outworks us all. Glad we're getting a tad bit more traffic...I'll let you know if I think of anything to help that happen more. Thanks for submitting the movie theater post....made me feel anonymously famous for a day!