Best of 2004

Since I was limited computer access at the beginning of the year, I did not get a chance to get all of my top ten lists in. So, I thought I would give you guys a less in depth version of the high and low points of entertainment in 2004.

TOP TEN FAVORITE FILMS
1. ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND - Charlie Kaufman's best script to date plus Jim Carrey's best performance puts this mindbending sci-fi epic at the top of my list.

2. SPIDERMAN 2 - Maybe it's just the fan boy in me, but this was the most fun I had at the theater all year. The best superhero movie since Superman II.

3. MILLION DOLLAR BABY - The first time in a long time I can remember a Best Picture winner even being in my top five, but it deserves it. Great film.

4. WE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE - The other two people who saw this gripping drama would probably agree with me.

5. THE INCREDIBLES - Pixar's best movie to date, and that is saying a lot.

6. BEFORE SUNSET - This is a crazy year; I have 4 sequels and one remake in my top ten. As far as this film goes, Richard Linklater is the best director working today. Can't wait for "A Scanner Darkly," and "The Bad News Bears."

7. DAWN OF THE DEAD - Quentin Tarantino said of this film, "There was not a film more visually stunning in 2004." I have to agree.

8. BADASSSS! - It's true; Mario Van Peebles can make a good movie.

9. KILL BILL VOL. 2 - Tarantino hits another one out of the park.

10. THE BOURNE SUPREMACY - It's what "Empire Strikes Back" is to "Star Wars," not only a superior sequel, but a hell of a film to boot. Peter Greenway is a director to watch.

HONORABLE MENTIONS - Bad Education, Maria Full of Grace, Farenheit 9/11, Closer, and Ray

TOP TEN WORST FILMS
1. PASSION OF THE CHRIST - If there is a hell, I'm first in line. However, not because I hated this stupid thing, but because of this comment I made a few weeks ago about Easter. I won't repeat it here; I don't want everyone to know how insensitive of an asshole I am.

2. I' ROBOT - Will Smith fights robots, and Shia LaBeouf works on his future role for Constantine as the wannabe sidekick. Whatever? This movie sucked balls.

3. TWISTED - I think everyone forgot about this Ashley Judd thriller. I can understand why.

4. THE GRUDGE - It's basically a shot for shot remake of the fascinating Japanese horror film, "Ju-On," but without the scares, good performances, and basically anything else that made the original good.

5. THE VILLAGE - Oh, M. Night was bound to fail at some point.

6. TORQUE - Makes "Biker Boyz" look like...well, "Biker Boyz", but if there is a hell that would be a double feature I would be forced to sit through, I'm sure.

7. FINDING NEVERLAND - This might have actually moved up in my mind because it actually got nominated for an Oscar. But this was about the most boring film I have ever seen.

8. ALONG CAME POLLY - Ben Stiller does his "There's Something About Mary" loser role for the umpteenth time, and it feels like it.

9. BLADE III - I didn't see "Seed of Chucky," but I'm thinking when you finally let the writer of a series direct an installment it is always doomed to fail.

10. WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON - How could you like a movie where the lady picks the asshole loser over the guy with charm, good looks, and loads of cash. I'm not gay, but I'd pick Tad Hamilton over half of the women I've dated.

Dishonarable Mentions - Saw, The Butterfly Effect, and to be honest most awful movies escape my mind after seeing them, so I'm sure there's plenty more where these came from.

OVERRATED MOVIES
1. SIDEWAYS - Before everyone loses their shit, I liked this movie. I just didn't love the shit out of it, and think it was the best thing invented since candy corn, or whatever you love. I actually don't like candy corn, so why that was the first thing that popped in my head is beyond me. But you get what I'm saying.

2. COLLATERAL - Easily, Michael Mann's worst movie, and I'm including "Ali," Jamie Foxx is good, Tom Cruise really isn't. And the movie itself is predictable, uneven, and kind of boring.

3. SHREK 2 - There were a lot of sequels this year; some good, some bad. This falls somewhere in the middle.

4. OPEN WATER - A pretty good movie considering 90% focuses on two people lost at sea, but at the same time, 90% focuses on two people lost at sea.

UNDERRATED MOVIES
1. THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK - In an earlier post Kennelworthy wrote, I think he summed this one up perfectly. It's stupid, but fun as hell.

2. KING ARTHUR - Maybe I was on crack when I saw this, but while it definately had it's slow parts; I liked Clive Owen's performance and thought the battle sequences were quite spectacular.

3. HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE - While not the comic gem of say "Anchorman" or "Team America," it's a pretty funny movie. And Doogie Howser steals their car to pick up strippers. What else do you need from a comedy?

4. CLUB DREAD - Horror comedies work best when the filmmakers know the genre they're spoofing, and the gang at Broken Lizard did a very fine job here. Plus, the best bikini top unhooking since Phoebe Cates walked the poolside in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."


TEN FAVORITE TV SHOWS OF 2004
1. LAW AND ORDER SVU - I think most people stay away from this because they are sick of all the L&O on T.V. It's too bad. There's a reason this is the most watched of the L&O's. It's as gritty and dark as anything else on television. And Mariska Hargitay and Christopher Meloni are arguably the best cop duo ever on T.V.

2. 24 - The first half of season 3 left a little bit to be desired, but once you got rid of the Mexican drug lords, the season kicked into high gear. And the second half was the best drama this great series has ever had to offer.

3. LOST - The most unbelivable thing about this series is not only that it works, but it's rare that this many people tune into something that you can't miss an episode of or you will be, no pun intended, "Lost." It's a good thing to, because if this had gotten canceled, I don't know what the hell I would be doing on Wendsday.

4. DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - Sue me! I'm hooked.

5. CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN - This is funnier than just about every sitcom out there.

6. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT - Who would have ever thought that what sitcoms needed all along was Jason Bateman to save the day?

7. VERONICA MARS - Why I started watching this, I have no idea. There wasn't a whole lot to offer at the beginning of the season on Tuesdays at 8. But I'm glad I did, because trust me, it's a lot better than you could possibly ever imagine. Unfortunately, because of it I'm missing "House," but that's what DVD on TV is for.

8. WITHOUT A TRACE - Came along on the success of CSI, and is actually gotten to be quite a bit better. The best ensemble cast on television.

9. CSI - Still kicking ass in its fifth season, or is it sixth? Anyway, forget Miami and New York, the original is the only way to go.

10. PARDON THE INTERRUPTION - Everyday at 4:30, unless there is some death defying crisis, you can guess where I'm going to be. Sitting in my favorite chair watching Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon bitching at each other for a half an hour.

TOP TEN WORST SHOWS ON TV
1. ACCORDING TO JIM - Is this shit still on? And why?

2. CSI: NEW YORK - Let's make a CSI that's slow paced and have a bunch of characters have no emotion whatsoever.

3. THE SIMPLE LIFE - Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie can go to hell. Which is where I'll be, but hey, up close I wouldn't mind having them around, I just don't want to watch them every week acting stupid with their clothes on.

4. THE REAL WORLD - Seriously, this is in like it's 20th season. I think enough is enough. They pretty much jumped the shark with Puck.

5. SEVENTH HEAVEN - Things like this is what keeps me away from church, and the fact I'm already going to hell. (Oh, yes, I can keep running with that joke; you just keep on reading.)

6. THE WEST WING- Maybe I'm an idiot, but I can never understand what the hell is going on in this show.

7. THAT 70's SHOW - For 4 years or so, this was a top notch sitcom. Now, it just sucks.

8. LAX - This was canceled after like 6 episodes, and there's a good reason for that.

9. WILL AND GRACE - Read my comment on That 70's Show.

10. THE APPRENTICE - This was fun for a season, now it's just annoying. "You're Fired" is the bane of my existence.

I hope that wasn't too long, but I really wanted to get all of that in so everyone could nitpick at my critical wrongdoings. Oh, and if I haven't mentioned it before, I'm going to hell.