Late Review: Ice Princess

Ice Princess (Director: Tim Fywell) Release date: March 18

Fywell has done a lot of TV movies, and his most notable was for HBO in Norma Jean and Marilyn. Some may have seen his only other theatrical release, I Capture the Castle, and I'm not one of them.

The Disney sports formula. We all know the movies--Angels in the Outfield, The Mighty Ducks, The Big Green, etc. They all begin with one thing in common, and that's teams (or this case, an individual) who are misfits or unpopular who just need the right coach or the supernatural (following the Angels model with Flubber and The Sixth Man) to help them out, vanquish the too-evil enemies, and have a happy ending. These movies are total cop-outs, as fantasy as The Lord of the Rings. What exactly is the challenge that is overcome by allowing ghosts or outright cheating to help you claim victory? And the non-supernatural sports flicks will have you believe that a team with no inherent athletic skills can be propped up by one star player (usually the person that doesn't play with the team until the very end of the season, because of some strange conflict at home).

Ice Princess takes physics geek Casey Carlyle (Michelle Trachtenberg), an obvious ice skating nut who attempts to win a physics scholarship by coming up with a mathematical formula for the technically difficult maneuvers, but like Will Hunting seems to really be observing as a method of experiencing. It isn't long before she's trying to compete. Aided along by coach Tina Harwood (Kim Cattrall) and doing it in secret from her academics, Harvard-obsessed mother (Joan Cusack), she begins to show some promise in junior championships. Oh yeah, and there's a budding love story with Casey and Harwood's son Teddy (Trevor Blumas) Meanwhile, her formulas are helping out Harwood's daughter Gen (Remember the Titans' Hayden Panettiere) and a couple of other future Olympic hopefuls played by real ice skaters. There is, of course, conflict with all of that, and resentment that Casey might take their place if she competes against them.

Trachtenberg, a 19-year-old gawky knockout, joins the Julia Stiles/Rachel Leigh Cook class of movie babes I can't believe typical movie high schoolers don't find attractive. I'd love to live in these worlds and be able to take my pick between these girls, because no one else is.

As for the movie, well, it's typical. I thought there was some terrible acting in this, mainly from the ice skaters-cum-actresses. Every time these girls say something mean, it's with their head shaking like police car flashers. And the movie didn't seem to do a very good job of making me believe that Casey wants to skate more than go to Harvard, so when she's interviewing for Harvard and leaves mid-interview to go skate in a competition, my brain almost escaped my skull it was in such disbelief, as if my brain realized that it had entered into a different reality, or a cruel simulation, and was trying to find the body to which it rightfully belonged. It was a jaw-droppingly awful moment--especially for a character they have imbued with an against-stereotype non-female trait of physics aptitude.

So yeah, a follow-your-dreams film with terrible messages. We can only hope more little girls watch this and stray away from their math and science and go lace up their skates or warm up the oven or apply water to the Mr. Clean in the mop bucket.