Three Late Reviews (Sept. 2 releases)

1. A Sound of Thunder (Director: Peter Hyams)

Hyams is a hack director, and he might be worse than Joel Schumacher. But due to the fact that his movies are so under-the-radar, he doesn't get the critical drubbing that Schumacher gets. A partial list of Hyams' films: 2010, The Presidio, Narrow Margin, Stay Tuned, Timecop, Sudden Death, The Relic, End of Days, and The Musketeer. Filmed way back in 2002 and set for a 2003 release date, A Sound of Thunder is based on a time travel short story by Ray Bradbury that I love. It took three screenwriters to screw it up.

The short story by Ray Bradbury concerned scientists who went back in time to observe dinosaurs, with rules to stay on a certain path and not touch anything, or else the tiniest of actions might screw up evolution as we know it. On the return trip, the scientists find everything changed (a scientist accidentally stepped on a butterfly) and get shot by the people in charge--which is "a sound of thunder" that the Bradbury version got its title from. This movie has no such thing, and hence, the title makes absolutely no sense.

Also not making sense is how the story has been changed in order to fill out a 2 hour movie. Now, scientists are going back in time to give wealthy guys the opportunity to shoot dinosaurs, well, at least one that's going to be killed by a volcano anyway, so as not to screw up evolution. Time travel mistake number one is made here, because many groups go back in time to kill this same dinosaur, without running into each other. Yet, the movie makes several plot allowances that show that they are indeed cognizant of these kinds of things. It's just plain lazy. The other problem is that when finally someone steps on the butterfly, the changes only seem to gradually take place--I believe that once you've altered evolution in such a profound way, you might not even be able to go back to the present because maybe time travel hasn't been invented yet under the new conditions--but the changes are: except for some crazy vegetation that seems to be taking over and there's some different creatures, everything is the same, including people, buildings, and so on. Also, there's some powerful evolutionary warp that comes and hits every once in awhile in the present, making things gradually change more. It's total crap.

Edward Burns plays the main scientist, Catherine McCormack plays the inventor with a conscience who wants to stop the money-hungry business it has created, run by movie-stealer Ben Kingsley (hamming it up to entertaining levels--it might be worth the rental price to see it). The dinosaur was created in a computer somewhere, but it looks like a toddler's creation after using a box of crayons. Also, everyone seems to be walking and talking in front of a blue screen. It's Sky Captain only the effects aren't very good. One of the worst of the year.

2. The Transporter 2 (Director: Louis Leterrier)

Leterrier did May's Unleashed. He did the art direction for the original Transporter, directed by Cory Yuen, who took over art direction and second unit stuff here. Producer Luc Besson and partner Robert Mark Kamen wrote the screenplay. Leterrier joins Robert Rodriguez and Wes Craven for 2005's 2-Movie Club; he will also not be the last.

Over-the-top action is one thing, but just downright unbelievable has been 2005's MO after we saw XXX: State of the Union go above and beyond credibility, along with a few others. Over-the-top can be fun, but when it gets into the realms of "Oh come on!" and there's absolutely no way your head can get around it, the silliness becomes a liability.

The original Transporter, as over-the-top as it was, had a great deal of fun because it still seemed plausible--I mean, on the edge of being stupid but still, a great amount of luck could have intervened. Therefore, it was an amusing action picture with some great stunts. In Transporter 2, the film takes on the sequel-rules of "Bigger! More elaborate!" and fails quite a bit. Two stunts in particular, a car zooming off of a parking garage and flying over to another, and the perfect launch of a car towards a crane that will dislodge a bomb attached to the undercarriage, were way too much.

Jason Statham returns as the ex-Secret Forces transporter Frank Martin, who can beat ass Jackie Chan-style, is James Bond, an accessory to all sorts of criminal acts, and makes the ladies swoon. In the original, it was about a guy who follows smart rules but is compelled to break them--in this one, there's really no rules. He seems to be getting involved with his clients a lot these days--this time it's Hitch's Amber Valetta, who is married to a drug enforcement guy (Matthew Modine) and has a cute kid named Jack (Hunter Clary). Jack gets kidnapped and the bad guys want to spread a virus and make some money with the antidote...or something. It's unnecessarily complicated.

Leterrier, who showed some great verve in Unleashed with some closed-space battles, gets all caught up in the hugeness of it all and makes this like any other dumb actioner. It's a fair movie, it's watchable--just don't expect the fun of the first one.

3. Underclassman (Director: Marcos Siega)

Siega's first movie, he was in TV and music videos before this. Guys behind Van Wilder and The Girl Next Door, David Wagner and Brent Goldberg, wrote the screenplay.

In "Chappelle's Show" there are a couple of skits depicting Dave Chappelle being jealous of Nick Cannon because his young son thinks Cannon is "hilarious." As a Nickelodeon version of the Disney divas we've been seeing (like Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Britney Spears, etc.) Cannon is one of those guys who wants to do everything--sing, write, produce. His early show "All That" put him on the kiddie radar. Then he did a movie called Drumline, which jumpstarted his movie career, and he's now on this MTV show called "Wild 'N Out," which is an improv show that must have all the MTV babies screaming. Nick Cannon is one of those guys, even though he's 25, makes me feel old, or unhip--because I don't know why people really clamor for him.

And, it's not like he's unlikeable or anything, but why is he this big star? Well, maybe he's not. Underclassman made 2.5 million in it's opening weekend. Maybe it's a perception.

Anyway, this movie goes along the lines of Never Been Kissed and "21 Jump Street" and has Cannon play undercover cop at a school, trying to find out who the bad guys are. He befriends the popular kids, kids who seem to get into every activity on the planet--street basketball, rugby, water skiing--and oh yeah, car theft. He figures there's another, unseen puppetmaster behind it all, because these guys are basically good kids. Meanwhile, he actually has to try to do good in his studies, and he starts falling for the red-hot Spanish teacher Roselyn Sanchez, who in real life is 10 years Cannon's senior. Of course, Cannon's character is a bit of a hotdog, a showoff, a Terrell Owens for the police force, who doesn't ever want backup and constantly screws up, much to the chagrin of his Sergeant played by Cheech Marin. We go through all the usual stuff here--"You're dangerous! You're off the case!" and blah blah blah.

Yeah, this is bad. It's not bad enough to be in the bottom 10, or maybe even 20, of movies that have come out this year--but the rules of logic and detective protocal do not apply here, and we all know that in real life that no one could get away with this--or make Sanchez fall in love with you--or have the motivations that the "real bad guys" in this movie have. It's a pass.