Monday, October 26, 2009

Sound Observations - Dream NFL Pregame Lineup

Back again this week, since there's a lot happening in the sports world and beyond:

NFL Week 7

1.) I'm addicted to watching the pregame shows this season for strange reasons. One is because I've always generally stuck to Fox because they used to talk about Packers games nonstop in the mid to late 90's, and two because CBS is leading the league in "most mustaches in a pregame crew" stats.

Simply put, there are waaaay too many people in the studio at 11 am. Everyone knows this. Nobody likes it. But the networks just keep throwing us bullshit analysts because a.) they're former players and can string two sentences together, or b.) they're former head coaches that were respected and just want to make an easy paycheck before going back to the grind.

Because of that, we've been treated to the likes of Shannon Sharpe, Michael Irvin, Emmitt Smith (by far the worst idea, ever), Keyshawn Johnson, Terry Bradshaw and Michael Strahan. There's no analysis, cogent commentaries, or useful thoughts. It's all explosive, inappropriate laughter and lighthearted ribbing. Awesome.

There are some decent analysts out there that do their jobs, however, and I'd love to see more of them. So here's my dream team of a pregame panel:

Tom Jackson

Howie Long

Bill Cowher

Charlie Casserly (league info; love that segment on CBS)

For host, I'm waffling between Curt Menefee, James Brown (mustache included), and Chris Berman. All do a servicable job, but Menefee seems like he can barely get a word in edgewise, and Berman relies too much on schtick. Berman's definitely got the longevity, but I'll have to give it to Brown for the moderator position. Even though CBS's pregame is about as exciting as a senior citizen's strip club, I think he gets the job done.

Oh, and I'm sending all the "insiders" packing. Schefter, Mortenson, Glazer, et al. can hit the road. They seem a little too involved with themselves and their "breaking news", when the fantasy guys already have all that information. I wish I were a network producer.

Also, I'll throw an honorable mention to Mike Ditka, who is actually an outstanding analyst, but he can't get his words out properly. He reminds me of Frank Costanza trying to say "Del Boca Vista".

2.) While we're here, some of the box announcers need to go too. I'd give a pink slip to Chris Collinsworth (too smug and not good enough to succeed Madden), Rich Gannon, Ian Eagle, Joe Buck and his mancrush on Aikman, Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski (put him back in the studio) and Dan Dierdorff.

I'd promote the hell out of Jim Nance, Brian Billick (I'm surprised too), Gus Johnson, Daryl Johnston, and Kenny Albert.

3.) Yes, the Packers will play the Vikings next week at Lambeau, and there will be a smidgeon more press coverage than usual. I hope the old man can make it out there so Green Bay can welcome him with open arms.

I fucking hate Brett Favre.

4.) I'm in a pick 'em league with some family from Wisconsin, and one of the team's names is Biff Stoner. I don't know if it's a pot reference or a clever switch of first syllables, but I think it's hilarious for some reason. Anyway, I went 6-0 with my morning picks for the 3rd week in a row. 6-0! Then New Orleans decided to show up in the 4th quarter, the Falcons played like they had Biff Stoner at tailback and it was all downhill. I hate gambling.


5.) Yankees/Phillies. Who's excited? Anyone west of the Mississippi? I'm sure this will be a decent series, and not a coronation, which will be pretty nice for a change. But we're playing into November now. November baseball? I'm past caring.

College Football

6.) Speaking of coronations, I spent Saturday night listening to the announcers spooge all over Tebow again in the Mississippi State/Florida game. Did you guys know that Tebow's competitive? And that he HATES to lose? And that he writes little Bible verses on his antiglare thingies on his cheeks? I imagine he's wearing those when he's banging some groupie or cheerleader in Starkville. Good times.


7.) How did anyone watch anything before DVR/Tivo? Were people more active? Did they converse more? All I know is that I haven't seen my family since the fall season started.



At 10/27/2009 11:14:00 AM, Blogger Mike said...

The main thing I have to say about the National Football League is that I'm still addicted to the NFL RedZone.

I'm going to defend Collinsworth again... when he speaks, I learn something. A bit whiney at times? Sure. But I can deal with that. He actually brings something to the table, and I wish he called every game. Most announcers take so much off the table I find myself hitting mute. I'm also really sick of Aikman calling every Cowboys game, which seems wrong.

I think the Yanks win this, they just seem like the team with the right attitude. Plus, I'm not ready to live in a world where the Phillies win back-to-back championships.

But seriously, baseball in November? Planned? What if the Twins make it there one year in that outdoor ballpark? How would they ever get in all the games? Who wants to watch baseball when it's 30 degrees out?

At 10/27/2009 05:17:00 PM, Blogger Doc said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 10/27/2009 06:57:00 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I think Yanks/Phils, again, will have LOTS of attention everywhere. This might be the most offensive World Series ever and might have the most comebacks ever. Seriously, this series is going to be fun to watch even if it somehow ends in a sweep.

Tom Jackson might be a good analyst but he is one of the top 5 worst overusers of the word "football" in any given sentence. I tend to tune him out.

I think it's Gary Danielson who is teamed with Verne Lundquist on SEC games, and I think they worked Tennessee/Alabama. That guy abuses "football" too but he is outstanding. He brought up the point about UT's kicker kicking the ball too low in the 1st quarter and it turned out to be a prescient point. He also has great ideas for what a team should do in certain situations instead of just saying "Boy that's a bad job of defense, Verne. Someone should do something."

My dream pregame show is a syndicated episode of South Park.


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