Bid on Roger Cedano on Ebay! Someone actually put this on the site, before Ebay shut it down.

http://www.vertical5.com/images/cedeno.jpg

So funny I'm going to quote the whole thing:

"This is an auction for Mets outfielder Roger Cede�o. He's played left, center and right fields, and all of them equally horrendously. He never gets a good jump on a ball, and on the rare occassion that he does end up in the general vicinity of one, he'll probably drop it. He used to be quite fast, but as he's gotten older and somewhat fatter on his contract, even that last vestige of value has left him. He cannot run the bases, he cannot play defense, he cannot hit for average or power and he couldn't get a bunt down to save his life. He does, however, still have a decent arm - but odds are he'll either miss the cutoff man or throw to the wrong base entirely, so it's a non-factor. When it comes to the oft-spoken "intangibles" of a professional athlete, this is where Cede�o really excels. Despite his woeful play, Roger somehow manages to smile and laugh and carry on like he's just hit a grand slam to win Game 7. This is where I believe his value truly kicks in, because that's just the type of person you want serving your organization from a customer support position. Cede�o would undoubtedly adapt to a concessionaire position with grace and aplomb. Also, imagine the excitement your fans would experience when they realize who just tossed them that hot dog or sold them that lemonade! Roger Cede�o contract is valued at $10,000,000 and terminates after the 2005 season. Thus, bidding starts at a reasonable $5,000,000 with the New York Mets Baseball Club hopefully picking up any difference incurred by this auction. Seller hereby gives his word as his bond that should the final auction price exceed the aforementioned value of Roger Cede�o's contract, $10,000,000 will be forwarded with haste to The New York Mets Baseball Club in order to expedite Roger Cede�o's unconditional release, with the difference being donated in it's entirety to the Lymphoma Research Foundation at http://www.lymphoma.org/site/PageServer?pagename=donate Seller is in no way affiliated with Major League Baseball, The New York Mets Baseball Club or Sterling Equities, Ltd. Good luck and happy bidding!!"