The Other Words That NFL Once Stood For

I don't know when this was, I believe it was around the late-80's and early-90's, the NFL banned all celebrations including spiking the football and dancing, and it led to sports journalists to dub the NFL the "No Fun League." I don't know when the ban was lifted, or if it was ever enforced (I think there was one year that there was a noticeable absence of end zone celebration), but the NFL has always been like this. It comes from the idea that it incites fighting, it's taunting.

I've discovered, possibly in the last year or so, that my opinion on subjects where people are clearly acting in a less-than-intelligent manner really just leads to me getting closer to a heart attack, and so I will simply state what I believe on this.

If you were to ask any NFL player, 100% of them, the question, "Are you a grown man?" the answer would be "Yes," or you would get a look like, "What kind of question is that?"

Indeed, all of them would like to put on the record that yes, they are mature adults. Mature adults can handle their emotions, and as long as someone is doing something that can't physically or financially hurt you, then anything anyone else does shouldn't bring you out of your chair ready to fight.

So, the fact that celebrations can incite anything violent contradicts the answer to the question of "Are you a grown man?" and its 100% affirmative answer rate.

Ray Lewis can't handle it when someone mocks him. This man is the most feared football player in the universe, even more feared than A'lbuj'ern Fqzu'dnw of the Gambotitzer Football League in Drbvqop, Hwoasd on the planet Cream. And when Terrell Owens does his dance, he's clearly been usurped of that position. No one will ever respect him again. He no longer is the football player he once was. A'lbuj'ern Fqzu'dnw can now kick his ass. In fact, Martin Grammatica can now kick his ass. Lewis' contract suddenly became a million dollars less, and the space-time continuum fools him into remembering that he signed said contract.

Someone has probably already thought of getting Hines Ward back, too. A cornerback covering Hines makes an interception, runs it back to the end zone, pulls out a bottle of Heinz ketchup, and writes "86" for Hines' number and stomps on it, and hopefully it happens at Pittsburgh's Heinz Field and Teresa Heinz Kerry will witness it. And it will be funny. And Hines Ward will say, "Disrespectful," and everyone will get in an uproar over celebrations when they, frankly, don't mean anything. They're fun to watch, I have no problem with them, but celebrations don't make the score higher, even the witty ones. What should hurt the most to Lewis is that Baltimore lost that game, on that play, where his defense was on the field.