Venom

Venom (Director: Jim Gillespie)

Gillespie did I Know What You Did Last Summer. Yet another of the many Miramax September dumps, due to the contract obligations to release all of their stock that they produced with Disney by the end of the month. Produced by Kevin Williamson, who I'm beginning to wonder--is this guy feeling well?

Bayou voodoo horror strikes again! After August's The Skeleton Key, Hollywood clearly hasn't gotten enough of swampy scares. Venom is just one big cliche after another, so tired and beaten down into the ground, I'm surprised that I didn't see the actors fall asleep during scenes--I'm surprised I didn't see the camera start slowly pointing to the ground after the camera guy got infested with boredom. Can you believe that there's some people out there who really think that this movie is ill-timed considering the events of Hurricane Katrina? I guess if it's in Louisiana and there's a guy possessed by hundreds of evil souls brought on by the bite of tons of demon snakes--it hits a little too close to home. FEMA is to blame. And what has President Bush done to curb the problem of demon-possessed rednecks? Nothing. Here's a cheap shot: Bush is a demon-possessed redneck!

Boy, if only this movie could have been that. Anyway, yes, there's a bunch of dumbass teenagers who have hopes and dreams (how dare they?) who find themselves beign attacked by this rube who has been bitten by some now-dead voodoo woman's snakes that she kept in a suitcase. At some point, for safety, the teenagers go to the voodoo woman's house, where her granddaughter has fled. And then they get picked off and stuff. But first, the movie has to kill all the black people it can--the voodoo woman, a guy at a morgue, and Method Man.

Hottie Agnes Bruckner plays the main chick who has to destroy evil in the end--I'll give her props, she looks really good. She's thanklessly given the opportunity to kill the supernatural bad guy by trying to stab him, and then yelling, "Fuck you!" when it doesn't work. There's all sorts of vaguely familiar names here who get destroyed: Bijou Phillips plays the nasty whore/thief who gets what's coming, and Jonathan Jackson plays Bruckner's boyfriend. Ahh, what's the point? It's not worth your time.