Strip Club Songs II
Ok, I figured I'd do the rest of this list before I forgot. I wanted to definitely make sure to list the best strip club/lap dance songs of all time, to balance out that load of crap I put below. Keep in mind, I certainly do not attend these clubs currently (ahem, happily married), but I have done my fair share of research from my earlier years.
So, without further ado:
Best Strip Club/Lap Dance Songs Ever
1.) "After Dark" - Tito & Tarantula
What, you don't know this song? Break out a copy of From Dusk to Dawn and select the scene with Salma Hayek doing her striptease with a snake around her neck. Now does it sound more familiar? This song might be the greatest strip club anthem ever, purely because of that scene. Fantastic subtle mexican guitars set the mood perfectly.
2.) "Exit Music from a Film" - Radiohead
My guess is you probably don't equate Radiohead to strip clubs or lap dances on a regular basis, but this song really takes you in, makes you its bitch, then spits you out in a very sexual way. Not that I think of Thom Yorke like that. I'm just saying.
Regardless, the fuzz bass alone that kicks in about 2/3's in to the song makes it easy to picture this as the background to a lap dance.
3.) "The Man With Two Brains" - The Rentals
Ok, I'm going to go with less obscure tunes in a second, but I can't leave this one out. It's off the Seven More Minutes album, and it's a classic, all about a man thinking about the responsibilty that comes from sex, and the woman who just wants to get laid. Now.
It's a musical gem, with those deep baselines that rattle your bones. Couple that with highly sexualized lyrics sung by a girl who sounds like she just went to bed after getting a little bit high, and presto! Lap dance country.
4.) "Freebird" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Ummm. Basically just going with length here. The longer it is, the longer the dance. Pretty simple, right? FREEEBIIIRD!!!!
5.) "Panama" - Van Halen
I'm sure most of you would've put "Hot for Teacher" or "You Really Got Me (Pre-Sanjaya)", but I stand behind this pick. If you're at the strip club (unless you're a bit creepy), you're probably with a bunch of your pals, drinking heavily, and ready to see some boobies. How much more sing-a-long ready can you get than this song? It's perfect for a bunch of drunk ass dudes screaming at the top of their lungs to the chorus and trying to take some of the girls home. It still works for David Lee Roth.
6.) Any Portishead Song Ever Written
If you haven't checked this band out, you may thank me after you get laid about a thousand times. It's the quintessential sex band, that employ heavy bass, turntable scratching, and moaning female lyrics to get their smooth, trip hop sound out to help you score. So, you can imagine, the songs would be a natural fit in the strip club/lap dance environment. Don't say I didn't warn you.
7.) "Superstition" - Stevie Wonder
I try to get this song on every list. It's basically the perfect song for any occasion. Funky, rhythmic, and powerful, it's like wearing a black shirt that fits everything you wear. Plus, we needed a real booty-shaker on this list, so there ya go.
8.) "So Whatcha Want" - Beastie Boys
Another booty-shaker, but with a nice fat groove in it. Lyrics are mostly distorted, so you don't have to worry about them, and the music just pumps constantly. You know, kind of like whatcha want to have happen in a lap dance? Whatcha want, indeed.
9.) "Dirrty" - Christina Aguilera
Back in the days when Xtina was all ho'd out like a spent piece of used jet trash, she put out some crazy-ass songs. This was the naughtiest, with the video featuring our erstwhile American Sweetheart wearing assless chaps and joining in on a very "Dirrty" orgy with sweaty boxers. Ah, they grow up so fast. Anyway, it's got a good beat, and there's a decent chance your stripper will also be wearing assless chaps. Good times all around.
10.) "Cry Me a River" - Justin Timberlake
Just listen to that song and try to argue with me about this pick. Go ahead. I dare you. It's the sleeper strip club anthem that nobody thinks about. Great beat, awesome vocals, involvement from Timbaland, and a big F-U to Brittney Spears. What's not to like?
You might notice the conspicuous lack of significant hip-hop in this list. I'm sure there are quite a few hip-hop songs that would be perfect, but I won't include them. Rappers frequently TRY to create strip club anthems. It's become its own genre at this point. So I'm not including anything that tries that hard to be played in their local Deja Vu. It's not music to me at that point.
Plus I don't want to attract Pacman anywhere close to where I'm partying.
There it was! I had to make one Pacman Jones joke in this post. It was inevitable.
Any other suggestions?